“Invento o amor e sei a dor de encontrar
Eu queria ser feliz..” (Milton Nascimento)

E assim, a cada descoberta vou me deparando com as minhas limitações. Vou me colocando em cheque e descobrindo até onde a coragem de me lançar é maior que o desejo de não mais sofrer.

Saber da dor que se tem ao inventar um amor ainda não me afugenta desse mergulho no caos.

Todas as esperas transformadas em desenganos. Desencontros. Naufrágios

Mas existiram sim momentos de cais, onde confortavelmente me amarrei àquele toco de amarração e ali eu experimentei aconchego e até cheguei a acreditar que vivi momentos de paz.

Momentos que minha invenção permitiu que em mim se fizesse acreditar.

Mas o amor é o mar. E nele se encerram os mistérios, a falta de domínio, a ausência de exatidão. Existe a fúria, a volta ao passado mais remoto de nossa existência. O medo.

A luta feroz pela sobrevivência num lugar sem esquinas.

A imensidão, a solidão, o saber-se tão pequeno e mesmo assim um gigante na criação.

E assim criei você.

Com esse mar de amor dentro de mim.

Te ofereci meu oceano inteiro. Todos os mais de todos os oceanos. Queria dar-te os oceanos de outras dimensões. Com outras dimensões.

Mas você, ainda encerrada pelos grilhões do tempo, não me permitiu e não quis que eu te mostrasse que, navegando no mar que criei pra você, você chegaria onde nunca houvera ousar.

Foi quando não consegui mais enxergar o meu mar em seus olhos. Quando apenas o desague se fez como uma espécie de ralo que alguém, displicentemente, fez questão de destampar.

E fui me esvaindo até perceber que sem os oceanos que posso ainda criar, não sou nada.

Corri para o meu cais, para me refazer. Respirar, me reorganizar.

Pois sei que tenho mais um milhão de oceanos que me esperam para criar, navegar e quem sabe ser feliz.





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